November is always a very emotional time for me, and it all stems from the weight of it being my birthday month. Ever since I was young I have put November on a lofty pedestal, vigorously celebrating things like crunchy leaves, hot chocolate, an occasional 65 degree day, and the fact that every so often my birthday falls on Election Day. I developed little habits to pay homage to the month, like writing out the full "November" every time I write the date. It was tedious dedication, but a month like mine deserved it, and it's a quirky habit I still haven't fully shaken. I actually think my kid self screwed me over, because now the build up for every tiny "November moment" is so extreme, it almost seems impossible to live up to the expectation.
It's the day before my 23rd birthday, and if you know me at all, you know this plunges me deep into nostalgic contemplation. The whole first week of November typically consists of me buried in my thoughts, whining about memories and huddled under my covers whispering things like "oh my gosh, who knows what's in store?!" I always try to scoop up and savor the essence of my current self a little too late, but it disappears so fast, like the last 30 seconds of a sunset. How will I know myself at 23? How do I survive a year like this? Who even likes that number?!
Being in California for this birthday has definitely helped to ease the trauma. I'm excited to break the mold of what I had always just assumed my life would look like. Now that I have nothing to go off of, I'm ready to branch out and accomplish whatever comes to mind. This has been a huge process of preparation and planning, but now I am living with a renewed vibrancy and enthusiasm. It's just the coolest thing.
It's comical, but the last time I wrote a blog post was two years ago today, as I was coping with my upcoming 21st birthday. I was nostalgic, but proud because all in one week I had my birthday and the 1-month milestones of an apartment and a post-college job. Here I am, two years later, in California, celebrating once again a birthday, a house, and a job!
This year, as I spend countless hours in my brain dwelling on the past and speculating about the future, Im also trying to magnify my appreciation of this moment. I see the fruits of my current labor, and I think my kid self is patting me on the back, because I'm still working hard to make November stand out as the best month of the year.
